My very own little Cookie Monster

One of Emslee's all-time favorite things is to help Mommy make chocolate chip cookies. But I think she enjoys eating them even more than making them. :)
She helped me make some again tonight, sneaking chocolate chips here and there while we mixed.
Then of course, she had to enjoy a cookie or two. And enjoy she did! I am so grateful for this beautiful little girl. She is such a little ray of sunshine. (Even when I do need to clean her face every 3.5 seconds.)

Post #3

So I thought I should update the ol' blog again.
We went and saw the cardiothoracic surgeon. The news wasn't great, but it wasn't terrible either. In all of my research and planning, I forgot one important thing about the mini-maze surgery. It only fixes AFib. Jason is experiencing AFib, but he also has AFlutter. So....the surgery would very likely fix his AFib but it is possible that down the road he would continue to have episodes of AFlutter. There is a small chance that the AFlutter is a consequence of the AFib, and with the surgery they could both be fixed, but it's not incredibly likely.
The surgeon wants us to get an echo done, meet with Jason's regular cardiologist again, and then come back and see him in June. In the meantime he's going to send a letter to the cardiologist and hopefully between the two of them they can reach some kind of a happy medium that will, in turn, be able to help Jason.
Even after we go through the next month (and the 4 cardiologist appointments we have scheduled), it is possible that the only option for Jason may be the AV node ablation. When we heard that from the surgeon, it was difficult to swallow. Basically, we have to come to terms with the fact that Jason may never get better.
I have been struggling with this, I'll admit, (as I'm sure you wonderful readers have picked up on through my last two posts), but after being able to digest it for awhile I'm realizing that everything really is going to be okay.
My brother Abe is convinced that HF is allowing this to happen to Jason because after the trial, there is always bound to be huge blessings. Abe says we should be as excited as a kid on Christmas Eve, waiting for the biggest present of our lives. He keeps reminding me that just around the corner, something great is waiting to happen.
So I've decided rather than focusing on how much this could end up stinkin', I'm gonna keep my eyes peeled for that elusive corner. Who knows? Abe's a smart fella. He just might know what he's talking about...

Another incredibly long post

So here's an update on Jason's situation.
Following all the crazy excitement that happened with his crazy heart last week, we went to see his cardiologist in order to figure out where we go from here. We were told that basically Jason's only option is to have an AV node ablation. An AV node ablation is where they go in and cauterize the AV node, rendering the heart unable to communicate between the atria and ventricles. This would leave Jason pacemaker dependent for the rest of his life.
I've done a lot of research this past week regarding this surgery, and it seems to me it would have a LOT of negatives associated with it. First off, it does not eliminate the problem (AFib and Aflutter), it merely eliminates the symptoms. In other words, Jason would still be having AFib and Aflutter, he just wouldn't feel it. Sounds ok, right?
Well no, not really. Atrial arrhythmias increase the risk of stroke by 5 times. So in order to combat the stroke risk, Jason would have to continue the Coumadin therapy he is currently on. Downside to Coumadin is that, if taken for long periods, it significantly increases the risk of heart attack. Oh just lovely! So basically what Jason's cardiologist is telling me is that they can't fix the problem, so they'll make his symptoms go away and eventually at some point down the road he'll have either a stroke or a heart attack. Just peachy!
I am not ready to accept this fate and have spent many hours the last week researching other doctors and other options. The procedure I feel would help Jason the most (yes, take it from "Dr. Jill") is known as a Mini-Maze surgery. The success rates are astounding. 85-90% of patients are cured of atrial fibrillation, according to follow up 3-6 months later. That's right - cured. Do you have any idea how incredible that would be?
There are greater risks associated with this surgery, because it is more invasive. But when Jason and I weigh the results against the risks, we feel it would be worth a shot.
I found a doctor who helped develop this Mini-Maze surgery right in Salt Lake. He is a renowned cardiothoracic surgeon, whose schedule is usually packed. I called and was told Jason could not be seen for a consult until June 3rd. Ugh! That feels like an eternity. So I mustered up the courage to call back and, well....beg. Surprisingly, I didn't have to. I told his front desk girl that we'd like to be seen sooner and she said she would ask the doctor if he was willing to come in on one of his off days. Long shot, right?
Well, I got a call this morning and Jason has an appointment next Thursday! Woo hoo! I better get started on writing down my one hundred million questions to ask the doctor....it might take awhile.
So here we go. I figure we should explore all of his options before making a decision. I am just hoping and praying at this point this doctor will have something hopeful and positive to say about Jason's prognosis. So everyone, say a little prayer with me. Maybe we'll get some good news!

The saga continues...

DISCLAIMER: if you do not enjoy or simply do not wish to hear me whine, moan, and complain DISCONTINUE reading immediately and navigate to a happier, more optimistic website.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Today Jason experienced yet another setback in his journey to good physical health. It seems that after two years of assumed progression, he is again staring into the void of the unknown. We were informed today in not so many words that Jase is running out of options. The ablations that usually conquer the problem for everyone else simply haven't worked for him. (He has had 4.)
Because my blog is private, I feel I have the right to state my true feelings. Frankly, I'm angry. Why can't he just be allowed to live his life like a normal 28 year old? Why does he have to go through this? He didn't do anything wrong to deserve this infernal heart condition.
He has very capable, confident doctors. Why can't anyone permanently remedy the problem? He already has so much to deal with. He's blind for heaven's sake. Isn't that tribulation enough? He tries so hard to be a good husband, to provide for his family, all the while attending
school in order to better himself and secure his future. If the Lord is expecting him to learn something from all this nonsense, after 6 surgeries we're obviously missing something. Maybe He ought to try a different method of getting the lesson across?
I don't mean to sound ungrateful. When I talked to my mom on the phone earlier this evening, she was quick to remind me that it could always be worse. She gave the example of a family in her ward whose situation is a lot more dire than ours. They tried for years to conceive and
finally have the precious gift of a baby. But...their little one has some very serious heart defects, ones that have rendered their home uninhabitable for his little body. They are unable to bring him home, and due to all the time the dad was spending away from work to be with his son, he lost his job. On top of that, during a trip to the hospital the family car was totaled.
As usual, my mom is right. Comparatively speaking, what Jason is experiencing is slight. I would much rather deal with my burdens than those of that poor family.
If I had my very own Genie in a magic lamp, the only wish I would have is to allow me to shoulder this heavy load for Jason. Oh how I wish I could give him the ability to see a rainbow, to experience the beautiful colors of a blossoming spring, or to run and play with his
daughter without having to stop and catch his breath.
When is it going to be enough? How much adversity will he have to withstand before he has proven himself? He has been through so much already. He is a completely different person than he was five years ago. Just the other day he came across the transcript of the blessing he gave Emslee shortly after she was born. He read it and proceeded to ask me if, back when I first met him, I ever would have fathomed him even holding the priesthood, let alone standing in front of a packed chapel and conferring blessings on his child.
He is so strong. He sacrifices so much for our little family, and rarely complains. I absolutely, unequivocally, could not do what he does. He talks to his doctors about open heart surgery with such grace (not choking back tears like me.)
I know that in the end, he will be okay. He's a fighter. He has been promised that he will live a long life, and trust me, I am holding Heavenly Father to that promise. :)