vintage pink

Saturday, December 19, 2009

I should be sleeping.

It is 2:24 am and I am still awake. Just for the record, yes I am crazy. I had a lot of holiday baking and treat-making to do, and it seems that the only quiet time I have to myself is during the wee hours of the morning. So as I sit and wait for the blessed sound of the oven timer, I blog.
Tonight I am feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of raising my daughter, and hopefully the other children who will join my family. There are so many things I want her to learn, so many experiences I want her to have, and I fear that 18 years will pass in the literal blink of an eye. How will I ever teach her everything she needs to know in order to face the big bad world with confidence and ease? How will I help her glean knowledge from my own experiences? I want so badly to do right by her. I hope that when she becomes a mother (many, many years down the road), she will be able to appreciate the efforts I made on her behalf and realize I had the best of intentions. I hope she can look back on her childhood with the fondest of memories, and the reassurance that her mother loves her. And hopefully I will be able to look back on her childhood with the reassurance that I taught her everything she needs to know and prepared her in the best possible way. That is my hope tonight, as I sit in my quiet, empty kitchen, waiting for the sound of the oven timer.

7 comments:

Tiffany said...

I have had many of those nights myself. You are a wonderful mother, and Emmee is blessed to have you :)

Kristen said...

Me, too. My thoughts exactly.

Wortham Family said...

Just stay close to HEavenly Father and he will help you know the best way to teach your preciouse little children. at times it might seem that it's not possible but it is. Im Sure you are a wonderfull mom and she will always love you and be proud of you !! Have a wonderfull Christmas and a Happy NEw Year.

Megan said...

Jill, I feel the same way so many nights. I also stress about whether Cooper will become a righteous young man and learn what he needs to survive and be successful in the world. We really should get together sometime and let them play, I don't think I've seen you since your wedding! :)

Sara said...

Jill you are trully amazing and I know you will teach your kids exactly what they need to know/learn when they need to know it. You have had many learning experiences and you can use those things to teach your kids with! Stay close to Heavenly Father, He is key to any relationship we have and He will guide you!
Also you have an amazing family and they are always there to help you when you need them!
I know you can do this and so does Heavenly Father! I mean hello, He blessed you with a beautiful daughter!

Melodie said...

I love that we were texting that night! I totally remember that. :) Jill, you are an amazing person, and you are also an amazing mother! That little girl of yours is so lucky to have a mom like you, and I know that when she gets older she is going to realize all of the sacrifices you made in her behalf and love you for them! And if she doesn't.. Aunt Mel will step in and let her know. ;) I hope someday you will realize what an amazing individual you are! I'm so glad to have a best friend like you and have you in my life! I love you!

Eight for Eternity said...

You have nothing to worry about, you are a wonderful mother, and you have a great example of a mother to follow! Take it a day at a time, not 18 years silly! Keep doing what you are doing and all will be well!

Beautiful Tanner Girls

Beautiful Tanner Girls
Me with my Mom, Sisters, and Niece